Messing with Sasquatch

This is, by far, the most interesting (for me) story I've ever written.  Because (1), it's just funny as hell.  And (2), it happens to be totally true.  The BMX brothers in question have access to this here...let them call me a liar if any aspect of this night when I was a fifteen year old is untrue.  And now...here's the story of when I messed with Sasquatch.
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When you're a fifteen year old boy and you're a virgin, you're supposed to be dying to lose you virginity to the first thing that will stand still long enough to let you do that deed.  You're supposed to be dying for it, ready to pounce on anything that will sit still long enough for you to hump it.  Begging for it.  Like some dog.

(Every high school boy...ever!)

Only it doesn't always go that way.  Sometimes you can be scared of “it.”  At least that's what I found.
 
You see, I was into BMX when I was fifteen, and that was just not cool.  And every Friday and Saturday night was spent with my friend Bob and Chris at Bob's house.  We would go riding our bikes every night till the wee hours of the morn and basically enjoy Beavis and Butthead type of jokes.  It was a great time to be Harvey.  But I found out pretty quickly, girls aren't really into guys on BMX bikes.

(BMX Dirt-bag)

On this one particular Friday night at the end of a sultry summer after school had started back, we wandered into a nearby townhouse complex on our BMX bikes like some adolescent Hells Angels.  And it was here that I met Heidi. 

And the two biggest defining features about Heidi were that she had a huge mouth full of metal braces that dominated her face, and that she was tall. 


Amazonian tall.  She was 6 feet of fifteen year old woman/girl.  She went to my school and was ostracized by boys there because she was beautifully ugly.

And I was, at the time, a whopping 5'6" of pudgy boy-meat.

Somehow, Heidi had already acquired the body of a sexually primed woman.  But she wasn't attractive.  She was sexual, but not sexy.  She was the type of girl that could give a boy a boner, but the boy would still swear she wasn't attractive.

(That's a Sasquatch fo'sho on the left!)

Heidi had been left at home this Friday night as her mom went out to hit the bars.  She was replete in a short miniskirt, white bobby socks and some kind of tight shirt. 

My friends realized that I was trying to scam on Heidi pretty easily, and they took off after an hour of messing up her townhouse and eating all the food in the place.

Eventually, Heidi and I managed to plop down in the grass out front of her mom's townhouse.  And we started to go at it.  Like only two fifteen year old kids can.

Nothing is as awkward as a young white guy fumbling around with his budding sexual urges.  And this case wasn't that different.  It was “unsexy” defined.

(About a sexy as our kissing was)

Eventually, my greedy hands found their way to the contents of her short skirt.  Bear in mind, I had touched a girl's crotch exactly once before this night.

My boyhood groping went straight for the gold.  I poked at that "thing" like a man poking at the Blob with a stick in the old movies. 

Given the difference in our development and our sizes, my index finger was wholly swallowed by the gaping maw of her crotch.  Quite a change from my first finger exploration experience.
 
So, I went for the poky-poke with two fingers.  Still, there was no noticeable friction or resistance from her female parts.

I graduated to three fingers.  And these were side by side fingers, mind you.  And it was no problem for her gargantuan womanly frame.
 
I started to panic.

Three fingers side by side is quite girthy.  Quite rotund.  Hold up three fingers right now side-by-side and check. 

(Three...the hard way!)
 

And I knew, wholeheartedly, that my virgin penis would pose no impact on this crater I was toying with.

My panic turned to terror.

I kept having thoughts of my father's coffee spoon clanking off the sides of his morning coffee cup I heard every morning.

(Hear that spoon clanking away!?  That's my pride and dignity)

And I didn't want this girl to be my first piece of ass, and to spread rumors about me that I was the small dicked BMX loser.

So, I had a decision to make.

I decided I had to go.  I had to leave right then.  I jumped up and got on my BMX bike and pedaled my ass out of her complex.  I looked back once and saw only her two bobby socked feet running after me, and I heard her wailing out in that deep, Vera DeMilo, banshee voice, "Harvey, I want you...!" as she tried to keep up with me.

(Run, Harvey...RUN!)
 

I made the mistake of telling my bros about this later that night.  They ragged me to no end and made me feel horrible.  They ragged me because she was so not hot.  They ragged me because I ran away from a girl willing to have sex with me.

But I have to say...that difference in size...if you saw a Chihuahua having sex with a Great Dane, wouldn't you find that shit kind of amusing?

(Look at little fella go!)
 

And that's why I ran after finger banging Sasquatch.