Dead Weight

"...and you throw the dead weight off the side of you balloon to rise faster and faster and higher and higher!" - Henry Rollins, more or less.


I've come to the conclusion this week that it's the decisions you make in life that can separate you being a kid from being an adult. Choices and decisions can separate you from a career. From your life and loved ones even. I know this.

I look back on the choices I've made in my life, and there seem to be two distinct kinds of choices you face in life. Or at least that I've faced in my life. Ones that affect who you want to be in five years, where you want to see your life going. And those that are the day-to-day shit things that don't matter.

McDonald's or Burger King. Call him or TXT him. Spit or swallow. It doesn't matter.

Not that I swallow. But you get my drift.

But the big ones...that's where the big kids get separated from the lil'uns. At least I think.

I made a lot of choices in my life that weren't wise for where I wanted to find myself in five years. And I indulged. And unwise choice gave way to unwise choice. And it ended with me losing a lot of time in my life.


'Cause I was choosing the unwise thing. Daily. And often. With gusto. I got good at it. Several times in a night. And it was fun. And it was hollow.

I was choosing the thing that was instant gratification. I wasn't choosing the thing that would make me a happier person "down the road."

And this topic isn't very sexy. I know this. Making "wise" adult decisions. But this is where my head is. And this is my blog. There's an "X" at the top right corner for a reason.

So, if you're out there and you're choosing the things that're not wise...those things that will stand in the way of who you want to be in five years. Of who you want to be "down the road"...fucking stop already!

If you're that girl I went to high school with and you're still out there fucking guys you meet in bars. Don't wonder why you're not happy. Don't wonder why you hate that you don't have a guy who loves and respects you.

And I'm not knocking you girls who meet and fuck guys you meet in bars. The world needs all types. Just that my world doesn't need all types, I guess. I needed you once.

And I recognize that change is hard. VERY hard. If you've gotten your gratification from hollow things and it's wrecked your life...I'm you. If you've felt hollow after that first date by your choices and decisions...I'm you.

And I know choosing otherwise is really hard because you know these things and they are what you know. And they're comfortable. But there today. They're not anything that can be built upon.

They'll lead you to the same place you are when you're choosing them. That same vacuum won't be filled.

So, if you're trying to change...I'm on your team. I'm rooting for you. I want you to be happy. Honestly. Even if I don't know you. It's up to you to stop shooting your happiness in the foot. It's up to you to stop nailing your foot to the floor of unhappiness. That's a metaphor, by the way. You don't REALLY nail your foot to the floor. I know this. And unhappiness doesn't have a floor. That'd make him too happy.

Get changing, kids. If you're ready. Only one person has the job of making you happy. I can only sit on the sidelines and cheer you on.

And I pray that your change doesn't come at the cost of losing a year of your life.

The sooner you throw that dead weight off the side of the balloon of your life, the sooner you'll rise into pure brilliance.

And I'm pulling for you!

(yes, I'm this gay-tastic...I'm wearing my cheerleader outfit RIGHT now!)