Number 40

Today is the anniversary of my entry into this world.  And it strikes me that birthdays are different for you as you are different ages.

A shit ton of candles!

Up until 30, I eagerly anticipated each birthday as a chance to celebrate and rejoice.  Well, I also used to look forward to drinking for free all weekend, but that's another story...

So we shall say, I am 29 today.  Again.  It's my annually recurring 29th birthday.

I'm THAT guy!

I had a mild panic attack a few years back on my birthday.  I felt I was blowing it.  That I'd wasted my life and my chances.  That I'd squandered opportunities to have deep, life long happiness.  That I'd wasted relationships I should have kept.

They're walking to the end...to jump off!

 And, in general, it was a pretty depressing and pessimistic way of looking at things.

But the upside to that Debbie Downer moment I had is that I got to change my course.  I got to change my outlook, change my trajectory, get myself right.

Since I'm not 12 and won't be getting my G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip I requested, birthdays these years are generally about taking stock.  About seeing where I am, and where I want to be.  And most of all, about being thankful for the things I have.

Because I know the last time I tried to post anything on my birthday, it was all full of "glass half empty" shit.

I sit here today and I know that every need in the world I have is fulfilled.  My life is lacking no necessity.  That's a fucking AMAZING thing to write.

Let's look at that again: there is no need in my life that is unfulfilled.

I am a homeowner.  I have a good job.  My bills are all paid early.  I have money in the bank and retirement accounts that are doing their jobs.  I have a small, but very awesome, tightly knit network of protective friends that love me and would do anything for me.  I have passions in my life that I get to devote my time and energy towards that keep me healthy, sane and in shape.  I am in good health.  My family is still mostly intact and alive and a great asset.  I look and feel much, MUCH younger than I am given my year of birth.  I am Jack's raging sense of contentment. Despite my whining.

In general, I enjoy the hell out of my life.

I can't even look back and say the things that didn't work out as planned, that engagement and marriage that didn't materialize like plans had been laid, is really all that bad.  Because would I be here now, doing my thing had it?

I'm not prone to loneliness.  My life is pretty full.  Which isn't to say "never say never".  I almost said "till death parts us" in the recent. So there's a door sitting there (a door standing on the beach for you Stephen King Dark Tower types).  And it'll open when and if it's supposed to.  I know that.  I'll not force the square peg into a round hole.

Not that my peg is square. Because that'd be an odd sight.

Sadly, my peg IS square!

It'd be easy to sit here and say, given all the luke-warm water, new aged hippy bullshit vibe of my life and this post, that I'm going to just keep on keeping on with what I'm doing.  Because if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?!

There are always goals.  There are the wants.  There are always the wants.  There are the passions.  There are always the hills and mountains from which you WANT to see the view.

And there are fires lit all the time.  And I still have wants...I have fires.  Thankfully.

Sometime it takes an appearance by the most unlikely person with the greatest kindness and passion, like the member of some club, for you to realize that you have it great, sure, but HOLY SHIT, MAN!  There's this other great stuff still out here waiting for you!  Get off your ass and go get it!  Get off your fluffy chair in your den, get out of your house, get training and go get that shit!

It just takes being reminded, sometimes.  Sometimes you get reminded by some incident.  Sometimes you get reminded by someone.

So here's to being thankful, grateful and content with what I have.  But here's a huge THANK YOU the fire starter for lighting the passions and reminding me that there's still life to be lived, there's still greatness out there to be seen and done. There are still some best "firsts" still out there waiting to be had and experienced if only you're willing to get out and go get them.

Pyro moment!

Life is too short to be spent in a state of need...lacking what you need for happiness.

I look forward to moving forward fully lit afire.  And may you do the same, my friends.